We often hear the word “mature” being used to describe people who are calm and composed. People use it for children or adolescents who seemingly act older than their age. Many times it is assigned to those who behave in accordance with how most people want, or to those who are more agreeable than others. Maturity is a term that is used very loosely with subjective interpretations and contextual meaning assigned to it. In many ways, societal understanding of maturity does depend on how one is able to handle difficult situations and more importantly unpleasant feelings and emotions. In this article we are going to try and understand Emotional Maturity by seeing some identifiable signs that display it.
Emotional Maturity is the growth process that a person goes through in learning how to explore, process and express emotions in ways that are appropriate and respectful to themselves and those around them. It is beneficial to note that age has nothing to do with Emotional Maturity, it is based on a lot of factors, internal as well as external. Some of them are: Parenting or role model experiences, Challenging situations and access or understanding of psychological resources to deal with those situations, Childhood events that are emotional in nature, social support, Sense of autonomy or the ability to make decisions and mistakes for oneself, other cultural norms related to emotional progress, etc. Emotional Maturity then is a continuous process and not a destination to be reached mentally. One may be able to look at one’s life in retrospect and be able to identify their own emotional growth and maturity. It may be hard to catch it while it is taking place as the growth is slow and incremental.
Let’s look at some of the common signs of Emotional Maturity:
- You practice regulating your emotions and responses
Instead of simple distracting yourself, you actually begin to look at ways to soothe yourself, relax your body or observe the emotion as it passes through you. In other words, you learn to sit with your emotion and in doing so also process it and let go of it gradually. You realise that letting go is usually your best option, at least internally letting go, even if externally you still need to act on what your emotion is telling you to do. You learn techniques or strategies to calm down and even though it may be possible that you won’t succeed to regulate your emotions everytime, you are practicing consciously and making an effort.
- You understand the importance of different, even Unpleasant emotions
Rather than running away or distracting yourself, or escaping the emotion, you may start to understand that every emotion is important. You don’t make enemies out of anger, anxiety, loneliness, and so on, and be hell bent of trying to get rid of them. You see emotions for what they really are, indicators to guide us into adapting to our world, guiding our actions. You may still listen to your fear that’s trying to protect you, but you will not be ‘stuck’ in fear. You start to hear the message of the emotion instead of being overwhelmed by it, which makes it easier to let it go and focus on the present moment.
- You take responsibility for your emotions and stop or reduce blaming others or situations
You may start to take responsibility for how you feel, and while it is important to hold others accountable for their behavior, it is even more vital to take responsibility for how you feel. Or else, you might always be
Aat your for the situation to turn, for someone to change their behavior, for people to act differently. As you learn to regulate your feelings, you may reduce your tendency to blame situations and people. A certain dependency on external factors exists in all of us, we depend on people, achievements, experiences, to feel happy to feel calm. This dependency goes down as we become much more independent and become a source of our own happiness and peace.
- You start to express your emotions, without fear of being vulnerable or judged
You may start to find to easier to express yourself in healthy ways, even if what you are feeling are unpleasant emotions such as anger, anxiety or loneliness, etc. Instead of suppressing them or displacing then you may actually start sharing or confiding in people around you. The fear of being vulnerable, of tearing up, of being judges by others may be lesser. Sharing your emotions with others give you a better sense of clarity over them, helps relieve stress and increases positive thinking. You may also in turn surround yourself with those who are more excepting of you and your emotional expression.
- You promptly apologize when you make a mistake
Apologies can be difficult for people as they require us to keep our ego aside and be vulnerable in front of someone. People may reject our apology, show anger or create more problems. Emotional maturity does show when we overcome our barriers of apologizing to people and do so without expecting much in return. We hold ourselves accountable for our actions even if there are others who may have triggered us. Giving an honest, heart felt apology which specifies what wrong we have done and how we will work on not repeating the mistake again, is a sure sign of emotional maturity.
It goes without saying that there may be many other ways in which people become emotionally mature. Maturity is obviously subjective and what we see as maturity may differ from what someone else does. But, at the end of it all, maturity comes when we reduce our own emotional suffering and in turn don’t inflict it on others. At ZorbaCare Rehabilitation Center in India, we treat drug and alcohol addiction along with other mental health issues. At the core of many mental health issues lies the imbalance of emotions. Drug or Alcohol Addicts allow their emotions to rule over their rationale, as do many other people. Our aim is to treat clients who need addiction treatment and treatment for other issues, and help them restore their balance between thoughts, emotion, behavior and lifestyle. Rehabilitation centers in India do focus on the Twelve step program and deaddiction from drugs or alcohol, but an equal importance must be given to therapies that teach a client Emotional processing, regulation and expression. If one can master their emotions, they can overcome many major issues in their life. After all, We should be the drivers of our feelings, not the other way around!