Recovery from addiction to drugs or alcohol is a long term process which continues in to other areas of life, beyond the substance. It is not just an end goal or destination of treatment, but a process that for many people may be life long.
Depending on the type of treatment chosen, be it inpatient rehabilitation, or outpatient, the level of intervention and support varies. The individual suffering from drug or alcohol addiction works with a professional on different areas of mental health, ranging from thought processes, belief systems, emotional intelligence, behavioral changes and so on. A person is recovery for a few months may work on different set of issues than one who is maybe a year or few years into recovery. While the focus of many rehabilitation treatments in India is on abstinence, a focus on overall mental health is the best way to sustain long term recovery.
Getting out of treatment, an individual faces many challenges in the form of cravings, triggers, emotional instability, interpersonal problems, etc. A supportive and positive environment is conducive to recovery and the people around the addict in recovery play a very crucial role. It may be relatively easy for the family or friends who are aware about the person’s history, to support them, but when the person makes new relations it may be strictly road to walk on. This article focuses on what needs to be considered when a person in recovery begins dating.
1. Deciding when to start dating
Deciding to date or meet new people with the intention to form relationships (whether they may be long term or short term) is not a difficult decision for many people. But in recovery, a person needs to be sure that they are ready psychologically to deal with the ups and downs or relationship triggers that come with dating. There may be rejections, emotionally challenging situations, disappointments, hurt and many other issues that can hamper a person’s recovery. Many people advice addicts to not get into relationships for at least a year into recovery. But we don’t always plan the start of relationships. Here it is always advisable to check with your therapist, sponsor, mentor before jumping into something new. Emotional resilience is something that needs to be developed in recovery for one to start dating.
2. Choosing People who Support Recovery
Though it may be hard to screen and understand people in the first few meetings, it is advised to keep a few things in mind before deciding to take things ahead with someone. If your potential partner is a heavy drinker or user, or if they are an addict themselves, it may be a huge trigger for an addict. If you do end up wanting to start something with that person, it is advised to wait until they sort their substance use issues out (if they even want to!). Being with someone who is emotionally compatible is important for recovery as well. Toxic relationships are one of the triggers that can lead one straight into a relapse. Before making the choice, learn what the other’s view is on addiction, are they supportive, and how would they contribute to your life in recovery.
3. Be Honest
Not everyone wants to admit on the first date that they have been in a dead diction program and are recovery from addiction. But doing it sooner rather than later is the best way forward. Lying about, downplaying and hiding your addiction is only going to cause issues in the future. The other person has a right to know about this information. Have an open discussion with them, share your journey and the things you are working on so that they can support you and be a meaningful connection in your life in recovery. If by being honest, you face rejection, or if they shame you, then learn to walk away. But honesty and being vulnerable here will ensure that you are on the right track and are thinking about your mental health before anyone else.
4. Educate them and Raise awareness
Many people may not understand the disorder of addiction or it’s seriousness. This ignorance can lead them to put you in situations that may trigger you. Educate your potential partner about Addiction to drugs and alcohol, associated mental health issues, treatment, after care and so on. If you need help, seek a professional who can guide you on how to do it. There is no shame in being an addict in recovery, and it is important to let people in on the information about this issue, even if you are not sure if the relationship is going to be long term.
5. Plan your dates in advance
Many people in recovery do not plan to end up in pubs, bars or restaurants that serve alcohol or where people are using any drugs. But an unplanned evening, especially when it’s a date can make one agree to go to such a place. The addict in recovery may be sure that they aren’t going to touch the substance, but putting yourself in a situation where risk of temptation is present, is not wise. Especially in early stages of recovery, one must not test oneself. Many times it’s not about whether you get craving in a risky environment or not, but how much you start normalizing the substance use in such a place when you see others do it. The relapse may not happen then, but a few hours or a week’s later. Instead of ‘going with the flow’, plan your night in advance, whether it’s a movie or dinner or a walk, and stick to it as much as possible. There is no shame in telling your date that you are uncomfortable in a risky environment. Wanting the other person to like you, and wanting to be agreeable and flexible may backfire in the long run of recovery.
6. Practice your Mental health care
An addict usually suffers from other mental health issues, which remain even in recovery such as anxiety, insecurity, loneliness, mood swings, anger, low self esteem and so on. These triggers are worked upon in treatment and trigger management is a huge part of therapy. When one starts to date these may flare up again, as it is not always easy to form new relationships and handle it’s ups and downs.
Sticking to your program, applying the tools taught to manage our behavior, emotional regulation, and in general mental health care is vital to recovery. If a person continues consistent inner work, handling challenges in dating becomes easier.
Many others areas need to be worked upon and open communication with your counsellor, therapist or sponsor is always the best way. Doing it all by yourself is what most people go for, which doesn’t leave them with a lot of support, feedback and guidance.
At ZorbaCare Rehabilitation Center in India, we aim to work on making the individual not just free from their addiction but also from their emotional and psychological issues. From a relationship perspective, interpersonal skills, communication skills, trust building, emotional expression and stability, boundary setting, assertiveness training all these areas are worked upon with the client.
The aim of our team is to reintegrate an individual back into society as a valuable, functioning and productive member of the community. We work on holistic treatment whereby a person’s social life is enhanced in addition to personal, physical, psychological and emotional. It is the individual who is treated, not the disease!