5 Ways to cultivate Patience

In a world that is constantly hustling and achieving, where the next moment is always more important than this one and we reduce life down to highlights, we have lost the very important virtue of patience. It is one of the most important skills to have, and everything in today\’s culture, takes us further and further away from building our patience. We want faster technology, fast food, instant delivery of orders, quick online shopping, and so on. Standing in a line to wait for something, waiting for ads to be over before we watch something, taking time out to cook a meal, waiting for weekly shows to come out instead of binge watching the whole series in a night, all these acts used to teach us patience. But now, we are lost in a world of instant gratification.

This loss of patience is costing us in quite detrimental ways. We refuse to be okay with the uncertainty of the future. We get irritable when things don\’t go according to plan, or hostile to those who don\’t act the way we want. We want instant results, quick outcomes, taking shortcuts and avoiding putting in sustainable efforts. This loss of patience has increased our stress, anxiety for when we don\’t get what we want, it has decreased our ability to concentrate, increased aggressive and depressive thinking and emotional unmanageability. Modern therapies talk about acceptance, mindfulness and keeping a nonjudgemental attitude, but in every positive change, there is a component of patience which makes us slow down to this moment.

Now, one may wonder, how to build one\’s patience in an impatient world? How do we relearn patience and unlearn the need for instant gratification when everything around is hurting us up and leading to instant results? Is it even possible? Yes! Of course it is. Here are a few easy steps to cultivate patience.

1.Recognize the Impatience and need for Instant Gratification

Instant gratification is when we have a desire or an impulse and we immediately seek to gratify it. Identify the impatience and need for instant gratification, first by noticing the situations in which they occur. Note down the various triggers, events or people in which impatience comes up. Also, write the thoughts that come when you are feeling impatient for eg. \”Why can\’t this happen right now? \” \”I can\’t take it anymore!\” Become aware of the frustration that arises when impatience sets in. This awareness of situations as well as your own thinking when you become impatient is crucial in changing this mind pattern.

2. Let go of your \”SHOULDS\”

When we are impatient we are holding on to a certain idea, a should, ought or must about how things happen. We are unable to let go of that should which is why we become impatient. Letting go of how we think things should be is an important part of cultivating patience. The traffic signal is taking too long to open? Let go of the need that it should do so right now. Partner not understanding what you\’re trying to say? Let go of the idea that she should understand it at least for now and work on improving communication when they are more receptive. We eventually realize that we don\’t need so many should statements to function in the world. In fact, the less compulsively we cling on to them, the easier our lives will be.

3. Practice Patience and Acceptance in a variety of mundane situations

You need to learn how to walk, before you run a marathon. It is indeed hard to practice patience when things are rough. Hence cultivate the practice of patience in easier situations. Soon, it becomes a habit that will be easier to adopt when life throws curve balls at you. Practice patience and acceptance in minor irritable situations, situations in which you have to wait for someone or something, in daily events where instead of complaining you can see these events as opportunities to deepen your practice of patience.

4. Learn from Nature

We can learn patience by watching an animal, a bird, a tree or even a flower. Meditating on natural objects teaches us that no matter what we want, nature takes its course, things take time and that\’s okay. A tree will not give fruit just because I want it to. A flower will wait for the adequate conditions to bloom. An animal will patiently wait for it\’s prey. Nature is here to teach us that change is the only constant and hence patience is the key to adaptation. The more we understand that, the less we are in a hurry to reach somewhere or get something, it slows us down and makes us enjoy this moment. Rather than wishing things should be different, I accept my present the way it is. Just like nature, I do not resist the present moment. That of course does not mean I don\’t act when required, but I have an inner acceptance to things, which cultivates the virtue of patience in me.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Becoming present, aware of your surroundings, your body, with an attitude of nonjudgement, acceptance is what we call Mindfulness. Mindfulness is a skill that can be developed but it is also a state that one can be in. Being mindful slows us down from the frantic, constant and overwhelming thoughts of the past and future. It teaches us to live in the present. Usually our minds keep swinging between the past and the future. We become habitual waiters, always waiting for the next experience, the next exciting, positive things to happen. What we lose is our ability to stay present and be patient with life. Mindfulness can cultivate patience and we can begin to enjoy life in the moment and feel more alive.

At ZorbaCare Rehabilitation Center, located in Pune , we work with drug and alcohol addiction as well as with other mental health issues. Usually rehabs in India focus on deaddiction exclusively, but our program aims for holistic treatment, in which a person can improve their physical, mental, emotional, social well-being. Different life skills are taught to addicts in recovery, or those suffering from mental health problems, out of which patience is an important one. Others are mindfulness practice, radical acceptance, emotional regulation, cognitive restructuring, finding fulfilling activities, lifestyle change and so on. In all of these cultivating patience is an underlying skill. Many of us need a reminder, a reinforcement, to build this skill. Patience building is not just useful for those who have mental health issues, but those who are juggling with their lives on different fronts as well. Afterall, patience is one of the most important virtues we can have in a crazy world!